So a couple of days this happened and I shared it on one of my private women’s groups. And the ladies asked to share it with more people. So here goes.
I was flying home from one event. I was given a seat in second row of the plane and as I sat in that place I got this weird feeling as if the universe put me in that particular place for some reason. At first I thought maybe I will get a reward of being alone in the row of seats so I can sleep more comfortably, but as the last people came in someone sat next to me and I realised I was wrong.
A man with his wife or girlfriend came up to the first row and asked the female flight attendant if they could use the WC before liftoff. The flight attendant said it would be fine, but they would have to wait until all other passangers have boarded. As they were waiting for the WC, they realized that the places in first row are free and so they asked, if they could use them (because, as I understood, they wanted to sit together, but they got separate places). The flight attendant responded that these seats are 20 euro more expensive and they decided to buy them. As I was listening in on the conversation, it was obvious from the way he spoke, that this man was an intelligent and respectful person.
When he sat in this place, he peaked into the pilot’s cabin and said loudly and with a surprise in his voice to the female flight attendant “will the pilot be a woman today?” (I expected him to praise her, but the next sentence rapidly changed my perception of this man…) “Is this even safe?” I was shocked. I saw the flight attendant made herself smaller and said “she is a very experienced pilot”. Then he asked “Very experienced? How old is she? She looks really young… Or maybe she’s like 40?” Now at this point I wanted to scream. But what actually came out of me was a snicker with a headshake. The man that sat next to me asked what this other guy said that made me react this way, I explained and saw a supporting look in his eyes.
After the conversation between the guy and flight attendant ended, I observed her as she had to do the security dance that they always do before the flight. As I have quite an extensive flying experience, I don’t usually take time to watch this safety instruction, but this time I was observing very attentively. Her body was doing the moves and on her face you could very clearly see pain: the type of pain that you have when you want to cry, but you can’t allow yourself to do it.
When the plane lifted, I fell asleep. I woke up an hour later and I received this clear message that I had to pass on to the pilot. At this moment I was extremely happy I bought a pen as I was thinking I would write some song lyrics, while waiting for the plane – I didn’t write much, but now I knew why I needed that pen. I found a small part of the paper that was not full of random lyrics of mine and prepared it for the message. I was very worried to make a mistake on the only small piece of paper I had, so I practiced what I wanted to write next to my lyrics before I actually wrote it out on the page, so this is why I still have the actual text I wrote.
“Hi,
I wanted to express, how sorry I am that you have to experience ignorant comments from m*sog*nist men for choosing to be a pilot.
I believe by following your passion you uplift & inspire women & especially girls that get to experience flying with you.
Some weak male egos get threatened by this, but this is a very needed process for the change that is occurring in the collective in finding more balance after a long history of patriarchy.
On behalf of all the little girls of this world
Thank you.”
As the crew started preparing for landing, I stopped the flight attendant that I saw was really affected by that situation, gave her the piece of paper and I said „This is not trash. This is a message for you and for the pilot. Read it first and if you feel like it, share it with her too.“ The flight attendant thanked me and then read the message. She looked at me with a very warm smile and said she will definitely give it to the pilot. She then pulled back the little curtain they have in their area and invited two other female flight attendants that were on the flight for a chat. I saw them reading the paper, then I saw her pointing to the guy (presumably explaining the context for my message). All three of them then looked at me and smiled warmly.
But then I started having thoughts that I should say something to this guy as well. And the first thoughts that I had weren‘t very nice. Then I heard my teacher‘s voice in my head saying „Now is your chance to turn your poisons into pearls“ and I realised that I do want to draw a boundary, but with love.
When the plane landed, I quickly grabbed my stuff and as I was waiting for the door to open, I was observing this guy collect his stuff. When he finished and stood up to wait, I gathered all my courage (I literally felt my feet physically tremble how afraid I actually was) and I told him:
„I would like to tell you something, because I feel you now have a chance to learn and to grow.
For this lady to pilot this plane, in her studies and work she had to show a degree of excellence that was way above most of her male peers. And this is because of such ignorant viewpoints like yours of some male teachers and colleagues that she must have had in her life. I truly hope that if you ever have a daughter you will not make her feel smaller the way you tried to make the pilot of our plane feel today.“
He said „you probably did not hear the end of our conversation. In the end I told the flight attendants that actually probably it is true that flying with women is safer. And that all of it was a joke“.
I answered „True, I didn‘t hear this part. But then your joke was not funny. Because I saw their reaction. And it was not funny for me.“
I noticed a small supporting smile from the man that sat next to me during the flight. The door oppened and the guy from the first row stepped to the side to let me leave the plane first.
Today absolutely by chance I saw these statistics (from the Female Quotient in fb):
„Women make up less than 20% of the workforce in most aviation occupations: Only 5% of pilots are women and women make up about 6% of airline CEOs. <..>“
I don‘t know what you can take from my story. But what I hope is that you allow yourselves to fly in a pursuit of your dreams whatever your dreams might be, regardless of some men that get scared so easily.